Boogie and I have always been best buddies. He makes me smile and laugh, I make him smile and laugh. The perfect father-son relationship, you know? But there must’ve been something I did back in May of 2008, that he absolutely did not like. He had a mission: poop on Daddy by any means necessary!

Sheena and I were out grocery shopping at Walmart, and since Boogie was only a month old and therefore not able to sit up in a grocery cart yet, I carried him around in a baby carrier. He didn’t make a peep the whole time; in fact, I think he slept during the entire trip. Once we arrived at checkout, my shoulders began to ache. So, I asked Sheena if she could wear Boogie while I checked everything out. She agreed, and I handed him over to her.

I then began to load all of the groceries up on the conveyor belt and, I swear, it couldn’t have been any more than a minute later when…

*SPLAT*

I looked over my shoulder to where Sheena was standing and there was poop. A LOT of poop. All over the floor, Sheena’s shirt, Boogie’s legs, and the baby carrier. And the look on Sheena’s face was priceless. I couldn’t help but to laugh ’til tears. If I hadn’t handed Boogie over to Sheena, that would’ve been me with the pooped up shirt and shoes.

But little did I know, that poop had my name on it.

A couple of days later, I was getting ready to change Boogie’s diaper and still laughing about the poop incident that had occurred at Walmart. Now, although Boogie was only a month old, I must’ve changed his diaper 100 times, and each time was incident-free. Never got any poop on my hands, never any piss tee tee in my eye. But this time was different…

I unstrapped his diaper and pulled the front flap down. I grabbed his legs to lift so that I could pull the diaper from under him and…

*SPLAT*

There were no warnings. No signs. Nothing. Out of nowhere and completely unexpectedly, he shot a shart bullet straight into my stomach (with no shirt on). I just sat there speechless. I couldn’t believe my eyes. What did I do to deserve this? Meanwhile, Sheena got a huge laugh out of it at my expense. I guess I deserved it.

To this day, I still don’t know why Boogie had a poop vendetta against me, but I now change his diaper from behind a poop-bulletproof glass!

Sheena wrote about this incident last year, and I just wanted to share it from my perspective and for new readers we’ve gained since then.

This made me remember something that happened at his 2 month well visit. I don’t know HOW I forgot to mention this. The nurse went down the chart asking us questions. She got down to asking about his bowel movements and this is what happened:

Nurse: How’s his bowel…
Boogie: BEeeRrrrAaaNT!
Me, Daddy, and Nurse: *bursts in laughter*
Nurse: Obviously they’re fine!!!
Me, Daddy, and Nurse: *continues laughing*

So just a few minutes ago Boogie and I were both lying in bed, and I was telling Mommy about how my mother told me that he rolled over on his own while we were in Chicago. I wanted to see if he would do it again for Mommy and I. So I put him on his stomach to see if he could roll over to his back. After fidgeting around for a bit, he used his left arm to push his body up a little. I was thinking, “This is it! He’s going to roll over!” So to give him some encouragement, I said to him, “Come on, Boogie, you can do it!” At this point he’s still pushing himself over with his left arm and he’s completely on his right side now. He’s halfway there!

“You can do it! Push, Boogie! Push!”

And that’s when it happened…

PFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTBRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

He let out one of the loudest, wettest, most glass shattering, earth shaking farts he’s ever produced!

I guess that’s what I get for telling him to push!

Update: We’re receiving word that they’re feeling aftershocks of his fart all the way in Australia!

So what was I to do? I couldn’t go in there and just poop. Where’s the fun in that? So that’s when I approached Mommy and asked if she had anything that could keep me company. After scouring through her pile of magazines, she hands me an issue of Babytalk. Uh… I don’t think Babytalk is my ideal choice of a poop companion. But hey, who am I to argue? Beggars can’t be choosers.

So there we were, in the bathroom. Me and Babytalk. Babytalk and me. How am I supposed to approach this magazine? I mean, I’ve never met it before. What if it doesn’t like me? Then after a few minutes of me staring down at this unopened magazine in my lap, I started to feel disturbed as there was a baby on the cover staring back at me while I had my manly chunks exposed. So I quickly flipped to the back of the magazine in hopes that I’d find an ad for that brand spankin’ new Dodge Charger SRT-8 for under a grand I’d been looking for (hey, can’t a man dream?) (and on another note, I don’t care how overrated the Charger is, that car is one of the sexiest automobiles to grace the road. Can I get an Amen?… *cricket cricket*… agh who asked you anyway).

Well I didn’t find the Charger ad that I’d hoped for, but surprisingly enough I did find something that kept me entertained for the duration of my load shipment. It was an article by Babytalk contributor, Melissa Balmain, entitled, “Finally, the websites new moms have been waiting for…”. The “websites” part is what caught my attention (I’m sort of an internet geek), but it was the names of the websites that really reeled me in. Ever went shopping on Peebay.com? Me neither. Read on:

Finally, the websites new moms have been waiting for…

Weeharmony.com – Never mind that your baby’s the only one in the neighborhood who still isn’t doing yoga/learning Russian/keeping 5-4 time on the maracas. Register here to find hundreds of compatible playmates in your area!

Now if you’re anything like me, you immediately went to check out these websites. I’m pretty sure most of you probably stopped in the middle of this post to type one of the above domains in your browser (yup, I caught you!). Unfortunately, none of the websites exist. All except two of the them are parked domains. As for the other two, one redirects to a real estate website (Peebay.com) and the other redirects to a MySpace page (Zagattogo.com).

It would be pretty cool if the websites did exist though, as each one had a unique and creative idea behind it. I don’t know about you, but I definitely would’ve been on Peebay bidding on that Snoop Dogg potty! Fo’ rizzle!

Melissa Balmain, whoever you are, where ever you are, thanks for the poop time humor! And if any of you are interested in reading the actual article, it’s in the March 2008 issue of Babytalk on page 76 (It’s the page with a picture of a baby taking a poop on MY Snoop Dogg potty that I was supposed to win on Peebay! The little booger outbid me at the last second!). And by the way Babytalk, you now have a special place in my home reserved just for you!

So after a few weeks of her missing the pootin’ baby EVERY SINGLE TIME, I decided to look on YouTube to see if anyone had uploaded a video of it. And I found it! After I showed it to Mommy, I think she laughed twice as hard as I did! I knew something this hilarious was definitely worth sharing with you all here on Mommy Daddy Blog! So I now present to you, The Amazing Farting Baby!

Yep, I pretty much have her beat! Don’t you think?

(Disclaimer: I found these pictures on a blog, whose owner received them through an e-mail forward, whose sender apparently got them from TShirtHell.com. I claim no ownership of these pictures.)

So, time traveling back 19 weeks and 4 days from December 17th brought me to August 2nd. Back during the first two weeks of August, Mommy and I were staying with our mothers because the lease on our last place ended on the 31st of July and the lease on our current place hadn’t begun until the 15th of August. So needless to say, it was a pretty slow couple of weeks in the sex department for us (longest two weeks of my life!). Thus it wasn’t very difficult to pinpoint when exactly we conceived Boogie: August 13th.

Now I know the 13th is a whole week and a half later than the 2nd, but whoever said ultrasound technicians were 100% accurate? So as I reminisced about our “time in question” (and developed a slight boner), I realized an ironic event that led up to that “time in question”…

The day before (August 12th), my mother thought she’d take us (along with my sister, her boyfriend, my brother, and his girlfriend) out to Red Lobster before we left to move into our new place. It was fun. We talked, we ate, we joked. But there was one joke in particular that now stands out more than ever. My mother joked that she’s glad we’re finally older and she doesn’t have to deal with kids anymore. She also joked that that meant that we better not have any kids soon because she didn’t plan on becoming a grandma any time soon. After a few eye shuffles and chuckles, the subject was changed. Well, that same night, Mommy spent the night with me over my mother’s house. Together we looked at old, embarrassing photos of me, we watched movies, we cuddled. And needless to say, once the snores began throughout the house, Mommy and I went at it like two cats in heat!

Fast forward back to today. Mommy is now almost 5 months pregnant; making my mother a soon-to-be-grandma. I think this will be a funny story to bring up during my family Christmas party….. 20 years from now!

Edited by Mommy: The Taco Bell rendezvous NEVER happened!