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So the other day I was on my way to take a dump when I realized that I had no form of entertainment to bring with me. Now I don’t know about you, but dropping a load can get pretty boring. So what I’d usually do is bring my laptop in with me. But a few months back, the backlight in my laptop’s LCD screen went out and I’ve had an external monitor hooked up to it ever since (just been too lazy to fix it). Lugging a laptop AND a computer monitor into the bathroom with me is just a bit too much. I’ll pass. My other form of entertainment is usually one of my school newspapers that I’ll pick up from earlier on in the day. Unfortunately, I didn’t grab one that day, so that option was out too.

So what was I to do? I couldn’t go in there and just poop. Where’s the fun in that? So that’s when I approached Mommy and asked if she had anything that could keep me company. After scouring through her pile of magazines, she hands me an issue of Babytalk. Uh… I don’t think Babytalk is my ideal choice of a poop companion. But hey, who am I to argue? Beggars can’t be choosers.

So there we were, in the bathroom. Me and Babytalk. Babytalk and me. How am I supposed to approach this magazine? I mean, I’ve never met it before. What if it doesn’t like me? Then after a few minutes of me staring down at this unopened magazine in my lap, I started to feel disturbed as there was a baby on the cover staring back at me while I had my manly chunks exposed. So I quickly flipped to the back of the magazine in hopes that I’d find an ad for that brand spankin’ new Dodge Charger SRT-8 for under a grand I’d been looking for (hey, can’t a man dream?) (and on another note, I don’t care how overrated the Charger is, that car is one of the sexiest automobiles to grace the road. Can I get an Amen?… *cricket cricket*… agh who asked you anyway).

Well I didn’t find the Charger ad that I’d hoped for, but surprisingly enough I did find something that kept me entertained for the duration of my load shipment. It was an article by Babytalk contributor, Melissa Balmain, entitled, “Finally, the websites new moms have been waiting for…”. The “websites” part is what caught my attention (I’m sort of an internet geek), but it was the names of the websites that really reeled me in. Ever went shopping on Peebay.com? Me neither. Read on:

Finally, the websites new moms have been waiting for…

Weeharmony.com - Never mind that your baby’s the only one in the neighborhood who still isn’t doing yoga/learning Russian/keeping 5-4 time on the maracas. Register here to find hundreds of compatible playmates in your area!

Now if you’re anything like me, you immediately went to check out these websites. I’m pretty sure most of you probably stopped in the middle of this post to type one of the above domains in your browser (yup, I caught you!). Unfortunately, none of the websites exist. All except two of the them are parked domains. As for the other two, one redirects to a real estate website (Peebay.com) and the other redirects to a MySpace page (Zagattogo.com).

It would be pretty cool if the websites did exist though, as each one had a unique and creative idea behind it. I don’t know about you, but I definitely would’ve been on Peebay bidding on that Snoop Dogg potty! Fo’ rizzle!

Melissa Balmain, whoever you are, where ever you are, thanks for the poop time humor! And if any of you are interested in reading the actual article, it’s in the March 2008 issue of Babytalk on page 76 (It’s the page with a picture of a baby taking a poop on MY Snoop Dogg potty that I was supposed to win on Peebay! The little booger outbid me at the last second!). And by the way Babytalk, you now have a special place in my home reserved just for you!

A few weeks ago, I was watching tv and a commercial for America’s Funniest Home Videos came on that literally made me explode in laughter! In the commercial was a baby lying on his stomach, and all of a sudden HE POOTED! But wait, that’s only half of it! When he pooted, powder came whooshing out of his butt! I swear it was like a geyser! I think I laughed for 3 days straight! So I definitely wanted Mommy to see this pootin’ baby. The commercial came on about every day, and every time I would tell Mommy to look at the tv, she’d always look a second too late. Explaining the pootin’ baby to her just wasn’t the same as her actually seeing it.

So after a few weeks of her missing the pootin’ baby EVERY SINGLE TIME, I decided to look on YouTube to see if anyone had uploaded a video of it. And I found it! After I showed it to Mommy, I think she laughed twice as hard as I did! I knew something this hilarious was definitely worth sharing with you all here on Mommy Daddy Blog! So I now present to you, The Amazing Farting Baby!

If you notice that all of a sudden the house has become little bit too quite, it’s safe to assume that in the next room you’ll discover something along the lines of this:

Mommy and I constantly bump heads over the types of baby clothes we should buy for Jayden. She wants to buy him the “cutesy”-type baby clothes, while I want to buy him the “rough and rugged”-type baby clothes; you know, the type of clothes that shows that he actually has a sack. Then just the other day it hit me! I came across something that would ultimately strengthen my argument to the point that it could even kick Chuck Norris’ ass! I present to you, 5 reasons why Daddy should buy baby clothes:

Yep, I pretty much have her beat! Don’t you think?

(Disclaimer: I found these pictures on a blog, whose owner received them through an e-mail forward, whose sender apparently got them from TShirtHell.com. I claim no ownership of these pictures.)

If you recall from one of our recent posts, Our First Doctor Visit, the ultrasound technician told us that Sheena (who from hereafter will be called Mommy) was 19 weeks, 4 days pregnant. That was on December 17th, and now that the excitement of being able to see our first child has calmed a bit, I began to think about other things; such as, when exactly did we conceive Jayden? Not only when, but where, and how? Because that moment should be one that we remember for the rest of our lives, right? It was the *boom chicka wah wah* that brought about our first child. And what a joy it would be if it was the time we did it in a Taco Bell bathroom and I ended up with a quesadilla cheesed to the side of my ass. We’d never be able to explain to our son why he has an uncontrollable lust for burritos. Luckily for us though, our Taco Bell rendezvous took place over 2 years ago (whew!).

So, time traveling back 19 weeks and 4 days from December 17th brought me to August 2nd. Back during the first two weeks of August, Mommy and I were staying with our mothers because the lease on our last place ended on the 31st of July and the lease on our current place hadn’t begun until the 15th of August. So needless to say, it was a pretty slow couple of weeks in the sex department for us (longest two weeks of my life!). Thus it wasn’t very difficult to pinpoint when exactly we conceived Jayden: August 13th.

Now I know the 13th is a whole week and a half later than the 2nd, but whoever said ultrasound technicians were 100% accurate? So as I reminisced about our “time in question” (and developed a slight boner), I realized an ironic event that led up to that “time in question”…

The day before (August 12th), my mother thought she’d take us (along with my sister, her boyfriend, my brother, and his girlfriend) out to Red Lobster before we left to move into our new place. It was fun. We talked, we ate, we joked. But there was one joke in particular that now stands out more than ever. My mother joked that she’s glad we’re finally older and she doesn’t have to deal with kids anymore. She also joked that that meant that we better not have any kids soon because she didn’t plan on becoming a grandma any time soon. After a few eye shuffles and chuckles, the subject was changed. Well, that same night, Mommy spent the night with me over my mother’s house. Together we looked at old, embarrassing photos of me, we watched movies, we cuddled. And needless to say, once the snores began throughout the house, Mommy and I went at it like two cats in heat!

Fast forward back to today. Mommy is now almost 5 months pregnant; making my mother a soon-to-be-grandma. I think this will be a funny story to bring up during my family Christmas party….. 20 years from now!

Edited by Mommy: The Taco Bell rendezvous NEVER happened!