What Has Made Parenting Easier For You?
Posted January 16, 2008
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I hear it all the time: being a parent is not an easy job, especially when you’re first-time parents. There are so many things to consider, so many new responsibilities to take on. After all, you are taking care of a new, fragile human life. So many new things come into perspective. You now put this new person before yourself. So many questions arise when you’re a new parent: How do I decide what’s best for my child? Is there anything I should encourage my child to do or not do? What if I make mistakes and what effect could those mistakes have on my child? Will the love that I give to my child be sufficient enough? Will I be a good parent? And the list goes on. These questions and more can lead new parents to the assumption that parenting is very difficult and stressful. And although I believe it can be to an extent, I also believe that there is an endless array of objects that can make parenting a little easier.
Which is why I want to hand the mic over to YOU! I’m referring to the moms and dads out there who have overcome the struggles and stresses of raising a new child and lived to see another day! I would like to know what helped (or still helps) to ease those stresses of raising a new child. It can be something small (such as a toy or even a pacifier) or something big (such as a brand new nursery or minivan). It can be something tangible or even something intangible (such as the love from your family). It can be one thing or it can be many things. Whatever it may possibly be, I would like to know:
(My goal here is to help make parenting easier for the people out there who are either expecting their first child [of which includes Mommy and myself] or have just recently had their first child. I believe the more input I can get out of this, the more helpful it can be, as it will introduce all sorts of ways that parenting can be made a little bit more easier for new and expecting parents. So I encourage any and all feedback! I believe that there is no answer too simple or impractical. If it has made parenting easier for you then I’d love to hear it!)
We, Mommy (Sheena) and Daddy (Greg), are junior high sweethearts who are currently experiencing the wonderful pregnancy of our very first child, Jayden! Here on Mommy Daddy Blog, we will chronicle our adventurous journey through pregnancy and into parenthood! 
That has helped the most for me (I just had kid #2) is backing off the idea that I had in my mind about what parenting was going to be for me, and learning to go with the flow. I’m still figuring out waht works best for my family and my kids, but we are getting hter and it seems better every day.
as far as material items, I couldn’t live with out my stroller, its the one that acceptsthis one. My travel swing, and a good monitor, it will help you keep from spoiling the baby. The more comfortable you can be with the baby in another room the easier it will be for both of you (you and the baby- that is) to learn to be independent of one another… for me that took a pretty high tec monitor.
Physical items that helped: A sling! Oh, hands free baby care rocks and they are so much happier and peaceful. Cosleeping. No getting up for late night feedings, just roll over lift shirt fall back asleep.
The biggest help was learning to trust my gut instead of what the “experts” say or what society thinks I’m supposed to do.
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Learn how to swaddle! It’s a real art form. The nurses at the hospital are experts, and babies calm down as soon as they are snug. I could never get the swaddle to hold for more than 5 minutes, so we used the ones at babies r us that wrap around with velcro.
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I’m going to agree with Summer here: A sling, a swing, and attachment parenting. Two other things I find quite useful? Help, and time alone. These items, when I have them, allow me to come back to my children fresh and energized. Oh, and skipping parenting books. I am not much of a “how to” book person.
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First of all, being a parent is challenging but it’s also fun, and wonderful and rewarding!! But you never stop wondering if you’re a good parent and if you’re doing the right thing.
At each stage of your children’s growth you encounter something new deal with, and you’re always asking yourself, “Is this the way I should handle it?”
Like the commenter above, I think the key is to trust your gut.
And trust that children know that your rules and discipline come from the deep, abiding love you have for them.
Trust the fact that you are the adult and they are the children, and you really do know what’s best.
Trust all the research that says that parents are still the biggest influencer on kids - not outside forces.
Trust that there really is a difference between the big, important things - like love, health and safety - and the little things that bog us down every day…don’t get too overwrought over the unimportant stuff.
Trust that as your child grows, they will give you a lot of clues about the kind of person they are, and how you can best help and nurture them.
And trust it when your gut tells you that how you handled something for one child has to be handled differently for another child.
My two boys are in college now, and my current challenge is to turn my trust in my own instincts into trust in THEIRS; that they are the smart, mature and capable young men I’ve raised them to be. I guess Rosaleen Dickson said it best: “Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.â€
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I would say to enjoy your baby! With my eldest I was so excited about the “next” phase that I never really took joy in the moment. As soon, as she could crawl I was coaxing her to pull up and walk.
My grandmother always told me don’t wish your life away (as in I wish it were Saturday so I wasn’t at school) and I would say to not wish your kids lives away either (as in I can hardly wait for this … or that …) Enjoy the moment.
MK
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Pacifiers when he was a baby and the first report you are given when he is brought to the room..(LOL) My nurse said he was a screamer and hated to have anythign removed. True enough she was right, he screamed whenever anything was removed. What has made it easy for me is the fact that he is so strong-minded and very independent . I know he is only two but his mind is like a sponge (soaking up everything I do). So I try to guide him in the right path and do the right things that I would love to see him grow up and become one day.
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In the early days from day one to like 6 months I would say routine. Before my son was born I read, The Baby Whisper and it was a total life safer. She talks about this method called the EASY method and I am teling you it was EASY and I highly reccomend it. It stands for Eat Activity (in those early days activity is diaper change) Sleep (for baby) and YOU time. I HIGHLY reccomend that you atleast read the book before baby comes home. I had been around a lot of baby’s in my life (my mom ran a day care) and something about this method helped. Plus all the Peds will tell you babies love routine, they like to know what comes next, sounds weird but true. My son still likes routine.
Oh yeah and make sure you do not leave the hospital before they teach you how to properly swaddle! Swaddling your newborn is like MAGIC even my mom the super mom was amazed how it would quiet Gavin down instantly.
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A sling or wrap, a playpen, and a certified carseat.
I love to wear my babies. My fourth child is 8 months old and I’ve just learned how to wear him in a “wrap.” I carried him around in a sling until about 7 months. But now he’s grabbing things in front of me that I’m trying to look at and whatnot. I also carry him on my back in a backpack. He loves it. He can just see over my shoulder.
I say to skip the big items like bouncy seats, floor gyms, walkers, exersaucers, johnny jump-ups, etc. They are used such a short amount of time and they get in the way.
I hardly used the monitors. The baby bath I did use a lot with number one because he had tubes put in his ears really young and the doctor said to tub-bathe him. So we put it on the changing table and with a bucket of warm water and a turkey baster would bathe him– until he was about 10 months. He loved it. We called it “baby spa” and would have classical music playing and dim the lights. Afterwards I’d lotion him, cloth diaper him, and nurse him to sleep. Anyways, I hardly used it with two, three, and four though.
We co-sleep. But we do have a playpen. The baby uses it for naps and to start off in the night. When he wakes to nurse I bring him to bed. The playpen is a wonderful help that we can take with us when we travel. And once he starts moving and you have to set him down to use the bathroom, it’s a safe spot to place him.
Swaddling is amazingly helpful. You have to learn how to do it right. If you read, “The Happiest Baby on the Block” it explains why it works and also shows you how to do it.
Routines are wonderful to help baby feel secure and know what to expect. But I am adamantly against “scheduling” feedings and sleep. Babies go through growth spurts and might need more or less sleep and food.
And you will be a good parent because you have the desire to be. You are seeking out knowledge and that is key. Continue to learn from those who are experienced and then also trust your gut.
I think I’ve rambled enough.
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As a new mom to a 7 week old, my best advice is:
1 - Sleep when he sleeps!
AND
2 - Don’t run yourself rugged trying to keep the house spotless. The mess will be there later, so if you want to rest, then rest!
My husband! Hands down, relying on him has been a lifesaver.
I found your blog via entrecard! I have four year old twins and a 6 month old… what makes parenting easier for me?
Breastfeeding.
It’s not always been easy and with my twins it was a huge battle but worth every second of pain and trouble to be able to provide my children with the best in nutrition but also for the emotional benefits for both my children and me. Plus once you have the hang of it, it is easy - no bottles, no measuring, just instant, perfect food anywhere any time.
Simple Love.
You can’t love your baby too much so take the time to do enjoy it. Spend time with them, love them with respect and try not to worry about what any books or anyone else says… if you start from a place of love you can’t go wrong!
I also love my hotsling and Bec Baby carrier so so soooooooo much!
kate’s last blog post..Not all bad
Learn to accept help. When the inlaws want to babysit, take that opportunity to get things done or more importantly, sleep.
Lisa’s last blog post..Heath Ledger Dead
First of all, trust your parental instincts. If you feel you need advice from the “experts” remember that you are the best people to make decisions for your baby. Never give in to the lie that you don’t know what you are doing… Mommies and Daddies were given exactly what they need to care for the precious lives with which we are blessed.
No matter how much you hold Jayden in those first few months, know that you can not spoil him! Nor will he only just want to be held for the rest of his life. The first few months are crucial for establishing that bond and total trust. Before he starts manipulating you (and boy, will he!) Jayden needs your touch, hugs, and attention almost all the time. That’s one of the reasons why I love babywearing - I can’t rave enough about how wonderful it is! I wore Baby Noah in my Rockin’ Baby Pouch for the first few months, but now I only use my Moby Wrap. (I know you are planning on wearing Jayden, and whatever you decide to use will be so wonderful for you both, but I know where you can find a Moby Wrap;)!)
Routines are always a good idea - in fact, children thrive on routine - but, throw out the schedule. Here’s what I mean: If he is asleep and is scheduled to eat, you must not wake him! He will sleep as much as he needs to sleep, and he will tell you when he is hungry. It will only take a few days to learn to recognize his different cries. This of course is one of your many parental instincts. After a few months you will naturally establish a routine.
And, of course, breastfeeding. In addition to the bonding and nutritional value, there are so many pros. It truly is the best gift you can give your child! Invest in a good pump, even if you plan to never give Jayden a bottle. You never know when you may need to relieve engorged breasts, stock some breast milk for an emergency, or just give in and decide to give him a bottle (which would be okay, btw).
Christine’s last blog post..Yet Another Benefit of Breastfeeding
For my wife and I, we had no idea how truly difficult the first couple weeks would be. From borderline jaundice, to breastfeeding difficulties, to sleep deprivation. I’m here to say that I wouldn’t trade any of it. It’s the most fantastically rewarding experience. I believe the support of the father / husband to be critical during the first couple of weeks.
Another tip from our experience, if breastfeeding, when the milk “comes in” after a couple days….PUMP! Engorged breasts make it difficult for baby to feed and, for us, resulted in some damage to my wife’s breasts. It all sorted itself out in the end, but I wish the hospital nurses had presented this option to us!
Well, my son Aidan is now 3 years old, and all the other comments have been great. The one thing that I can add is to start now establishing communication with Jayden and pay attention to the things he does right now in the womb — like when he sleeps, when he’s woke, what calms him, what gets him excited. Sounds funny, but I would read to Aidan every night while I was pregnant and I would play jazz music when I went to sleep just to get him to calm down and go to sleep with me. The book I read was “How Do I Love You”. Now that he’s here, he loves for me to read to him, and music still puts him to sleep. Oddly enough, he knows all the words to “How Do I Love You” and he loves jazz music.
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I agree with having a schedule. Babies feel so secure when they know what comes next - and SO DO MOMMIES AND DADDIES.
My other advice is: never say never and never say always. I had so many “I will always do thises” and “I will never do thats” with my first baby and I can tell you, I have probably broken every one of them. I was going to breastfeed a year - well, guess what, nature didn’t care to cooperate so we used formula. I would never co-sleep - well, guess what, baby went six whole hours snuggled next to me so you betcha we coslept. I could go on and on.
Breastfeeding might make you miserable. So quit. You may hate cloth diapers. So use Pampers. It is all trial and error. You’ll end up doing lots of other things you never dreamed of.
Of course you have some preconceived notions of what you want to do, but consider them ideas only. **Not benchmarks for what make you a good mommy.** Good mommies go with the flow, listen to their baby’s needs AND their own needs, and adjust accordingly.
And good daddies remind good mommies (sometimes 40 times a day) that the only thing that baby truly needs is love and milk. All the rest is just gravy.
(Good daddies also make sure mommy goes at least one night a week with uninterrupted sleep!)
One of things that made parenting easier for us is to just have fun!! Our kids(4) love it when we get silly with them. And do not try to be super mom, just be the best mom you can be. I have also learned that it ok for the house to be messy sometimes, the kids don’t care.
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we would love to share the ideas of what makes parenting easier for the middle school age as well. Spread the joy!
I have many “things” that help me but my husband is #1. Honestly and seriously. There is nothing in the world like having someone I trust and who loves the child(ren) just as much as I do to take care of them while I get a much needed nap because I’m are so worn out. I can vent to him without fear and I can count on him for grown up conversation after a long day of goofy, singing dinosaurs.
Another thing for me is music. The music I enjoy as well as the music the kids enjoy helps me a lot. It eases frustration, tension and impatience for all of us. When my daughter was a newborn she had colic BAD. For some reason though “Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones seemed to soothe her.
And last, but not near the least, is a glider rocking chair. We gave ours away but it served it’s purpose well for 4 years.